:: Welcome to the Daggums n' Dragons rule book :: 

8th edition, published 2008 by Entertech Compglobalcorp
First published 1983 by Bodacious Radicality Entertainment

INTRODUCTION SECTION

Daggums n' Dragons is a wicked fresh RPG system for people who are less into reading and maths, and more into getting their imaginary swords on in a swordrelated environment, possibly full of nasty orcs and barely legal busty babes with gams that go all the way up YEAH!

As few as three dudes can play Daggums n' Dragons and as many as 4 can also play without much problem. One player takes the role as Game Master (GM) and is basically the dude who calls most of the shots. Its the GM's job to come up with awesome stuff that happens basically out of nowhere. Aint no pressure man, just take it to the max, yo! If he want he can draw up a map in advance or something, but he can basically also just pull it out of his ass.

The other players have to come up with characters that they will pretend to be. If they want they can bring figurines or small dolls or toys to represent such characters, but it aint no thing. If a laptop or other internet enabled computer machine is nearby they can just Google Image search for some image of a cat or a man wearing a hat. Anyway, more things they should do are described in the how-to section. The how-to section is next.

HOW-TO SECTION

How to be a rad as all hell GM (Game Master):
1: You will need some kind of screen to hide your notes and other writings and doodles, or to hide if you stole one of the other dudes' can of Sierra Mist. Any large piece of cardboard that's folded on the middle will do. If you have a record cover (large old CD) by a heavy metal band that is perfect (they usually fold on the middle and have bitching pictures of dragons/skeletons).
2: Come up with a "scenario". Basically a place (a forest, a dungeon, space or an underwater place where people have gills and all) and something that is up with that place (an evil king, an evil dragon, an evil space dude or an evil fish dude just pretty much making a mess of everything).
You have now finished preparation! Add personal touches like a cape or whatever if you want, but you can basically just do your thing from now on.

How to be one freaky-fresh player type person:
1: Come up with a character! Choose a name (should be awesome, like Chuck'grath or Brent'skarr), a way to look (Google is good, but if you can like do a doodle or an extremely vivid description then that's cool), something you rock hard at (shooting guns, swinging swords, doing magic, digging holes etc.), something you rock hard at, only less so (running, punching, first aid, throwing rocks etc.), and finally some weird backstory (could be "Was born in a small village on Mars but was rocketed to Earth as a young lad when doing that became trendy. Now desires to fight up some evil things to forget fear of rockets." but could be anything).
2: Players should do their best to roleplay, which is basically to act like you're the dude your character is. So if you're doing a medieval game you should say things like "thy" and "thus" and not slay goblins by throwing your Zune at them. 
3: Do what GM says.
4: Done!

How to play Daggums n' Dragons:
1: Set up a general gaming area. A table is the best, especially if chairs are around.
2: Get your snacks on! Pop corn or corn chips are really sweet, and definitely have two cans of Sierra Mist per person around – at least!
3: Decide who should GM (Game Master (verb.)) and who should be regular dudes.
4: Decide what regular dudes should be among the regular dudes. Its good to do this step real careful like and get a team going that can do more than swording. Try and get different dudes to do different thing.
5: When all is set up, start playing! The Game Master (GM) should explain what's up and the players should tell the GM (Game Master) what they're gonna do about it (one at a time please, people!) and the GM (you get it now, dontcha?) will reply with what happens then. This goes on until everybody's dead or the main bad dude (main bad dude creation is covered in the HOW-TO section) is dead or defeated. Its way easy to play, easier than farting in school!
6: When you're all done you can congratulate yourselves and start over or maybe watch some TV.

END OF BOOK

Congratulations, you are now ready to play Daggums n' Dragons (If you read the book that is. If not, please go back to the start and do so because this section doesn't apply to you). So go and get some friends together and play some extreme games of Daggums n' Dragons! If you don't have any friends you can play it over the internet instead! Either way, don't forget the Sierra Mist! 

Anyway, I hope you're all as stoked about playing Daggums n' Dragons as I have been about writing this rule book! Keep it real!

- Calvin Borkish Rockefeller III